Last night I dreamed that I finally caught-out that bitch pretending to be "just friends" with my husband, we told her off, and kicked her the fuck out of our lives. If only.

Today I'm dreaming about J and his cock and how I'm so damned horny I would pay money just to spend the day with him and a bed today.

We've decided to start looking for other guys to join us in the bedroom. While dating K, that was a big no-no. Mostly because it just seemed wrong to be with other people, but also because K implied she would dump us if we did.

For awhile after the melt down over learning of J's extra-curricular activities, I was feeling very body-conscious again. My self-worth was in the toilet. E suggested we get together with other guys.

I just didn't think that was a healthy way to repair my ego. I had to repair my ego from within first.

I think I've made a lot of effort in that department, and the more E and I talk about it, the more I want to get out there and be with other people *without* a committment. That had been our plan when K entered our lives and everything ended up turned on its head.

The responses have been very flattering. It's nice to know that there are guys out there who appreciate the female form in it's natural, healthy state. I am over my ideal weight, but not by much. The media would have me believe that I am *way* over my ideal weight, and that's just crap. The female form should be curvy and plump, so as best to please your lover and be a healthy home to a fetus for 9 months.

And, shockingly, I'm learning that there are plenty of men out there who appreciate a woman like this. A woman like me! :D

Last night we ended up at a strip club, and the first woman on the dance floor was totally our type. She had VERY long blonde hair (ok, I would have made her a brunette), C/D cup breasts, healthy thighs and stomach, with an ample bottom. That bottom was *very* pleasing in my lap. :D There tits were *very* pleasing mashed against my face. The way she looked at me like she wanted to eat me up had me grinning from ear to ear. And the smell on her, that sugary honey smell that all strippers seem to coat themselves in, it stayed with me for hours for lots of visceral memories after the fact.

And watching E get his turn was a thrill as well. K has helped me with one thing at least: I'm much better at sharing!!!

I recall my first lap-dance with heavy sighs and a far-away smile to this day. Her name was Tawny and she was perfect. Exactly what I want in a girl. Right down to her russet colored hair. I actually can't remember the girl we decided on our 2nd time. We had gone back to the same place to see Tawny, but she wasn't in that night, and it was our only available play-night in LV, so we settled on someone else. I just remember that she was heavier than I expected when she sat in my lap and did her thing.

Last night's luscious lady was Summer, and I think I'll remember her. So very different from LV, because here they could remove their panties on stage, and do a lot more intimate rubs in a lap dance. I was told it could be even *more* intimate in the VIP lounge. *heavy sigh of regret at not having enough money*

Summer is also the name of the woman who has been giving me massages, the regular woman, not the one who I had the amazing conversation with.

Summer the massage therapist is quite cute, but very petite. It's very hard not to be turned on by her when she's gentle with me. Luckily, she manages to poke my knots quite hard and make me remember exactly why I'm there. It's quite difficult to be lusty when you're trying very hard not to kick someone for causing you physical pain. Almost as difficult as it is not to reach out and haul in your lap dancer for a deep kiss.

As for the looking, it's just men for now. We'd like to have a few threesomes, try double-penetration with another man, have some carefree times. I'm just not ready to be with another woman yet. Every time I see a woman with red hair, I get teary-eyed and nostalgic. Luckily the red-headed women who've contacted us have been paired with icky looking guys, so the temptation to say yes is very easily talked down.

So I was looking through profiles and blogs on this adult site, and there was a blog from a guy who just discovered he likes to suck cock but doesn't like to receive anal. I really love both, but fuck if I don't drool for a tasty cock.

And J's was about perfect. I couldn't believe how perfectly it fit in my mouth. Just the right width so my jaw didn't get too sore, and just the right length so that I could occassionally fit him all the way in without gagging. And he had an amazing smell about him all over, including his groin. I always felt like I could go down on him for hours, but just got too horny and wanted to fuck right away after that. Missed opportunities. *sigh*

I've fantasized too many times about him emailing me out of the blue asking to hook up for no-strings sex. My response is different with each fantasy, depending on my mood. Better if he just shows up on my doorstep looking to fuck. Then I can give him a verbal tongue-lashing on his evil ways, the way he treated me in the past, what he's doing behind K's back, etc. He will take it all with grace, apologize profusely, admit he's an idiot, tell me he's never fucked anyone as brilliant in bed as me, and whisk me off to the bedroom. Mmmm...

We are being re-tested for STDs at the end of the month. So I wanted to wait to search for guys until after that. But E was fucking around a site and made up a little profile so he could look around, and we've been addicted to it for over a week now. It makes us super-horny, but also very frustrated. Because we want to get out there *right now* and fuck someone. But no. Not until we know we haven't caught anything from K & J.

Hope everyone's having some phenomenal sex this New Years!