I'm feeling much more stable this afternoon. There is a lot to do here, but a lot of it is mindless, so it allows your mind to wander.

Mostly, I feel that I am being amazingly unfair to J. He has been nothing but nice to me. Especially Saturday, going out of his way to get me home when my family crisis was making me just miserable. I have done this before, just jumped to conclusions. Before, it was not only K's words and feelings, but also his actions. This time around, he is like a completely different person. OK, not completely different. But definitely better. Nicer, friendlier, more talkative.

I try not to let other people's opinions get to me, but once I'm in a relationship, that kind of goes out the window. And I was kind of feeling lied to, used. And I have no reason for that. I have been spending so long trying to over-analyze the inscrutable J., that I let K's conclusions mess with me. I had no business doing that. I owe a secret apology to J, a real one to E for freaking him out this morning with my sadness, and a big one to me - for screwing up my own mind.

One problem with blogging is that there is so much else that goes on in your life that you never write about. The peaceful, loving things that happen daily. Such little things that mean so much, that you kind of take them for granted.

I was at work and feeling miserable physically and emotionally, and K tried to call my cell phone and leave me a voice mail. I picked up and she's like "Why are you answering your phone?!" hehe Anyway, she just wanted to leave me a little message that she was thinking about me and loved me. It made my morning, and I instantly felt a million times better, even though she had no idea what I'd been feeling, and she had zero to do with my bad mood to begin with.

Then there was E. Ten minutes later he called me and he was just saying hi, he loved me, and guess what, but K. had decided once again to try and work an angle to get down here to visit with us tomorrow. He knew what a mood I was in and how this would cheer me up. By the time I was done with these 2 phone calls, I was feeling better than I have since the Phone Call of Family Crisis (TM) happened Saturday night.

I have people who love me, and they are so precious to me. I have no idea how J feels about me or even how I feel about him, but I'm happy to go on just plugging away and see what happens next. I do really need to get to the pharmacy tonight and pick up my meds though. It's so much easier to remain stable when I'm on them.