I am still sick. Hacking and wheezing and coughing. I am a mouth-breather. I feel terrible, and look it. Totally un-cute. I don't even want to masterbate. Bleck.

But I'm going in to work anyway. Because I don't want to lose my fucking job. So I can continue to afford trips up north to visit my girl, have the money to buy her and her kids lunch while I'm there, buy her a little something for Christmas. And yes, I splurged, and spent a whopping $89 at a Day-After Thanksgiving sale for a new digital camera so she could take pictures of her kids and not waste money and time on film processing.

So I was wrapping up my day and was about to tackle the enormous pile of mail we got today. I had 45 minutes, and could *maybe* finish if I hustled, and could spend 5-10 minutes on my time if I was close to finishing. When one of my many bosses chirps up about the importance of this one other project being more important than the mail. WHATever. All day, every day, everything is important, and the less-important shit like the mail never gets done, and then people freak out when their IMPORTANT mail doesn't hit their desk on time. FUCKERS.

So I spent the next hour and 5 minutes working on this project so shit could get out the door. This meant 20 minutes of my time that I didn't get paid for. AND I had to haul ass to get to the chiropractor on time. Which I just barely did.

Then I got groceries, some dinner, and came home to a lonely house, because E had failed to tell me game night had been moved up to Wednesday this week. Put away groceries, eat dinner, watch TiVo for a bit, and WHAM! It's 9pm already. Put in some laundry or else it's Go To Work Naked Day tomorrow. Finally, FINALLY I sit down at my computer to try and chat up my girl or at least read the little love note or 2 she always sends my way when I'm at work.

Nothing. Zip. No girl on chat. No emails in my box from ANYONE.

Go check out her blog, and guess what I find? Her parents gave her $$ for Christmas with one rule: don't pay bills with it. Yay! But guess what she used it on? A digital camera.

Tomorrow, I will feel stupid, but tonight, I am so pissed I could scream. She goes on and on about material things not meaning anything to her, except now that they have negative money and she can't afford to even pay rent, she suddenly finds herself wanting *things* and she feels guilty. I keep telling her not to feel guilty. I want to buy her nice things and she refuses. She breaks her camera, and I just can't bear for her not to be able to take pics of her boys, so I brave the post turkey day sales to buy her one. 3 days later she tells me she's discovered enough $$ on her CC to buy herself a digital camera. I subtley hint that "Santa" said not to buy herself a camera. She plays dumb. I say "Santa" left a box at my house for her, and also said not to buy herself a camera. She pretends to continue to play dumb.

I bring her the camera early, this last weekend, so she can snap pictures of the 4 of us, and she tries not to open it. She finally opens it, thanks me profusely, gushes at how I shouldn't have, and doesn't open it. Doesn't take pics of us. The next day it's still in the box. No pictures being taken.

3 days later, she buys a camera 3 times as expensive with her christmas money, except it's on sale so she couldn't resist.

I guess we all know what she thought of the pathetic on-sale jobby I bought her.

The funny thing, before I read about this, I was going to log in here and write how weird it is, but I think the "magic" appeal of J is wearing off. I still think of him, but only to analyze what a dumbass he is. I haven't fantasized about him this week *at all*.

So I'm kinda horny today. Kinda wanting to fuck my husband. And I can't because he's gaming. My girlfriend just totally dissed me. And my "lover" or whatever the fuck he doesn't want me calling him isn't really doing it for me anymore.

So, yah, I'm lonely, and can't even fantasize to get out of it. Fuck. Life *does* suck.

God, it's not even tomorrow, and already I feel shallow.