she responds to my email with embedded replies in purple

From : K
Sent : Thursday, December 15, 2005 7:15 PM
To : M
Subject : and the bitchfest continues

I don't want to fight with you, because life is too emotional right now as
it is. That said, I don't think I can put this to rest without defending
myself.

But you DO want to fight. You want me to see YOUR side of things.

The hardest part of this for me to understand is that you want myspace to be
"your" place. This would make more sense to me if you told me you don't
want me reading your blog. However, you've told me more than once that you
want me to read it, including when I initially said I didn't think it was a
good idea. I never got the impression you wanted it to be a place of
freedom from me, because you invited me to read you there.

I don't care what you read of mine. If I don't want you to read it, then I make it a private entry.

Also, you talk about myspace all the time. It makes you happy. Is it any
wonder that I listen to you and you can change my mind? I still haven't
found the great enjoyment from it that you seem to experience, but that's
why it was an experiment. To see.

Only YOU can change your mind.

You also confuse me when you talk about my need for an audience. You already
know this about me. Nothing's changed about that. I've needed an audience
since I was a little girl. You mentioned a few months ago that you thought I
was... conceited? Something like that, for having a blog. And then you
started your own blog and found it a nice experience and helpful. So when
you said, "I hate that", are you referring to my spontaneity or my need for
an audience?

No, you've got that WRONG. I've had a journal for nearly a year. I just never mentioned it to you and it was NEVER public. MySpace is an entirely different thing for me. It's where I have connected with friends that I made in high school or that I met while apart from you.

As for being able to comment on LJ vs. myspace, you've said yourself you
pretty much ignore your LJ blog. You've started posting to both again, but
not with consistency. Myspace seems to be your "main" blog, you're happy
there, you have friends there, and I thought it would be nice to be part of
that.

You commented twice on LJ. I give you the opportunity to be a part of the audience and to comment at will and you don't take it. So fuck it. I went back to MySpace.

Neither of us have met any of the other's friends, with the exception of a
few of your co-workers. I was just saying the other day how I want to show
you off. I was wondering if maybe I hurt your feelings by not being out
enough that I could suggest not introducing you as "my girlfriend", because
I'm upset with myself about it. I've been feeling so frustrated with
mysie.com not letting me talk about you the way I want to. I thought it
would be nice if we had a place where we could brag about each other and
people know who we're talking about. We could point and say "see, her". I
thought maybe some of your friends could eventually become my friends.

You are jealous of every single one of my friends. You have made comments about Stefanie and Dana in particular. I have deleted the posts about you on MySpace at YOUR suggestion in order to protect myself in the event Jim gets pissed at me. So I don't know what you're thinking about that being a place where could be *out*. It's simply not so.

Once again, we see a little thing so differently, and just go off on each
other for it. I'm not going to change your mind about any of this. It was a
bad idea. I'll kick it to the curb and just forget about it. I'm sorry I
upset you. That was never my intention.

No M...YOU brought this on. I was content to say that I wasn't going to read your stuff, but you all but begged me to give you reasons. So I did.

Work is killing me right now, so we're going to the movies to de-stress.
Maybe I will see you tomorrow and we'll be nicer to each other then. I
think I will start my baking tomorrow night though. Oh crap. I have Rosa
tomorrow night. So much for baking. By the time I'm done with chiro, then
massage, then Rosa, I'm going to be starved. Looks like baking in the middle
of cleaning on Saturday. Crap.

I doubt I'll be any nicer about this tomorrow or ever. I'm sorry to hear that work is killing you and that you are stressed out and have so much to do. But honey, your life is so FUCKING EASY. I just can't even imagine it.

I still love you,
I don't understand your need to put *still* in the middle of that....just because you and I are fucking pissed as all hell at each other should not put this in question. However if it does on your end, then perhaps we should be rethinking this whole thing.
*m*
oxo