On 12/16/05, M wrote:
K said:
I doubt I'll be any nicer about this tomorrow or ever. I'm sorry to hear that work is killing you and that you are stressed out and have so much to do. But honey, your life is so FUCKING EASY. I just can't even imagine it.My response:
I do not tell you about my life in order to win some sort of competition on who has it harder. I tell you about my life because I love you and you're not next to me to experience it with me like I want you to, so I recap the high points, and other than fighting with you, that was yesterday's big headlines.
K said:
I don't understand your need to put *still* in the middle of that....just because you and I are fucking pissed as all hell at each other should not put this in question. However if it does on your end, then perhaps we should be rethinking this whole thing.
My response:
I didn't say "still" because I have doubts about my feelings for you, I said it because after everything I said, I was worried that maybe you would have doubts about my feelings for you.
Being "pissed as all hell at each other" should not give license to being cruel to each other. I don't care about the fight. I don't care about the blogs or who writes what where. I care about you. And I care very much that when I tried to tell you that you hurt my feelings and wanted an explanation, your claws came out and you attacked me. I got defensive, and you took it to a new level by being cruel. Because that's what your last 2 sets of remarks feel like, cruelty.
I never asked you to walk around on egg shells thinking of how best not to hurt me, and I'm sure you never asked me to hide my hurts from you. But now that we're doing the opposite, I would very much like to talk about it rationally.
I'm still being defensive, which I'm betting will continue to make you mean. I don't know how to end this. This fight or just this email. But I'm late and I have to go and I love you.
m
* * * She Said * * *
From : K
Sent : Friday, December 16, 2005 8:22 AM
To : M
Subject : Re: and the bitchfest continues
We are going to continue to disagree about this no matter what. I don't care to talk it out rationally. I was content to leave it with not reading your stuff, but you wanted more information. You chose to pull out the "poor me" card and start thinking up reasons as to why I didn't agree with what you did. Instead of seeing the positive comments I made about how nice your page looked and how you rock with HTML, you just went straight to negative. I can't please you either way. In order for you to be happy, I have to sacrifice too much of myself, and the same goes for you in regards to me. We are just too different.
I find it really funny that you have an easy time pointing fingers at me for being cruel and see yourself as having no part in this. You know, E sticks up for you regarding this sort of thing all the time, "Oh, M doesn't do it on purpose. She doesn't really mean to hurt your feelings. She just does and says things without thinking." Guess who else is exactly like that? J. Does that excuse the fact that it hurts me? No. But since you are a girl, I'm supposed to automatically overlook that shit? Other people in your life may be able to deal with those excuses, but I'm not. If it's *ok* for you to be like that and get backed up by your husband (and probably Rosa, too) and continue that pattern, then why is it not ok for *me* to speak my mind honestly? When you ask for my opinion, you need to be prepared to hear it. Whether or not I mean to hurt you or you mean to hurt me, makes no difference. The end result is the same....we're hurt.
I don't know where to go from here, either. At least we agree on that.
I think we should cancel our Sunday plans.
~K