I feel a sense of loss, but mostly I am just angry. I was ready to can her ass for being an emotionally and verbally abusive monster who sprouts fangs and claws at the first sign of discontent, and in the end she got me to apologize to her. How fucked is that?

Part of me was wondering if this silence was just her little way of sticking it to me for ignoring her for 24 hours. I guess not.

So good riddance. Other than anger, I feel secondly relief. Like I have narrowly escaped some disaster.

I went from being much closer to well-adjusted and liking myself, to hating and doubting almost everything about myself. Honesty is more important than any other trait to me, and I demand it of myself almost more than of my friends or loved ones. And yet she had "trained" me not to mention my hurts caused by her for fear that she would lash out. I thought we'd finally made some progress on talking about our issues rationally, when she turns into this she-devil and tried to rip my heart out.

There are so many idiotic, non-sensical lines in her email, it just blows me away. Like she's not even human. No empathy, no grasp of societal norms at all, no sense of fair play or honesty and rationality.

I am the last one on this earth to be preaching about rationality and norms. But *fuck*. There's just some shit that's OBVIOUS. Like there is a HUGE difference between hurting someone's feelings by accident and doing it on purpose.

Rosa was just aghast at some of the things I relayed to her from the emails. She said K has problems I can't solve, and that this relationship was just dragging me down and was "toxic". I straight up told her it was abusive. That shit's ridiculous. I grew up in the thick of it. I should know better.

Somehow, she has been warped even beyond what I thought by her abuse. To the point where she abuses her kids and doesn't see it. She abuses me the way her husband abuses her and doesn't see it. She sees no difference between a misunderstanding and an attack. Every time I tried to explain any of it to her, she displayed more of this warped bullshit and tagged her end of it "normal" and me as "evil".

Do you know she actually appreciates growing up with her father because it made her thick-skinned?

All I can say is, thank FUCK it's Christmas this weekend. Maybe I can get something material to make up for the SHITTIEST YEAR OF MY LIFE. I can't believe it was just a week ago that I was thanking her for turning around the worst year of my life, and she ended up making sure it got that distinction once again RESOUNDINGLY. She dumped me TWICE.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, can't fool me again! Mwahahahaha. Bushisms.

And the nifty thing is, she thinks I dumped *her* both times.

I need to start playing the lottery. Karma's gonna swing back this way soon, and I am *so* due.